You know… my mom would choke if she knew that I was getting ready to write a post about online etiquette for authors.
Seriously, she would. Because most people who know me would tell you that I’m not exactly polite. I am not a mean person, per se, although I can be. What I am is pretty much brutally blunt, so if you don’t want my honest opinion, please don’t ask. If you’ve pissed me off…stay out of my way, because I fight dirty. Hey, I grew up with three brothers. Fighting dirty was the key to making it thru childhood.
Up until five or six years ago, if somebody had told me that I’d learn the skill of diplomacy, I would have laughed.
Then I was offered a book contract. Did I instantly realize the need for diplomacy? Nope. I stepped in it a few times…
I was mistakenly informed that somebody was claiming that I used rape as titillation in my books~rape, not rape fantasy, big difference for me there. I was ticked. Did I ignore it as I should have? Nope. I made a fool of myself and I still kick myself over it.
An author did something promo wise that I think, and still do, was sort of crass and wrong and while I still stand behind my opinion, looking back, I think I should have kept it more to myself.
Are there other mistakes? Yeah, probably. But those are the ones that stand out. Have I learned from them? Yep. Would I make those mistakes if some kind soul had advised me not to? ;o) Yeah. Because some kind soul did advise me- a lot- early on but I’m the hands on type. I learn better after I screw up a time or two.
I’m just glad none of my flubs have been big major fiascos.
Main Entry: di·plo·ma·cy (from M-W online)
Pronunciation: d&-'plO-m&-sE
Function: noun
1 : the art and practice of conducting negotiations between nations
2 : skill in handling affairs without arousing hostility : TACT
There came a time though when I realized that diplomacy did indeed have it’s place. Does that mean I think you shouldn’t say anything unless it’s hearts and flowers? Of course not. Honesty is important. Vital, even, because there are people in this industry who will screw you sideways with a smile and unless people who’ve had it happen to them speak up, others won’t know.
But even the harshest truth can be spoken in a diplomatic way. Authors need to learn this. Authors need to understand that what you say online shapes how others perceive you. How you conduct yourself online can shape your career. It affect your sales, it can affect your reader base, and it can affect how other industry professionals see you.
Some of the author behavior I’ve seen has certainly influenced my buying habits. An author I used to love to read was rude, belligerent and completely nasty to a friend of mine~I don’t buy her any more. Several other authors who’ve made asses of themselves online don’t even my interest enough to click on their title and see if I’m going to like their book.
Is that fair to the author? Maybe they were having a bad day when they acted so foolishly. Should I penalize them? It’s my call. My TBR list is thru the roof and if an author’s name leaves a bad taste in my mouth, that’s one less book I need to buy and try to find time to read.
Authors talk amongst themselves and collaborate…sometimes on successful group projects, and sometimes on less than successful. Two friends of mine, Mary Wine & Lora Leigh had an idea for an anthology, A Wish A Kiss A Dream while we were at a booksigning. It never hit the bestseller list but it didn’t tank either, just a nice, steady seller. Would I have wanted to be in the anthology if the authors were just plain evol? Nope.
Does that mean if some totally mean author was put in an anthology and then I was offered megabucks to also write a book for said anthology, I’d say no? Well, duh… most likely not I’d accept the contract happily. I’m not stupid. But when I have a choice, I love to write with people that are friends.
Do I mention friends’ books to others? Yep. People that I abhor, not so much, because I only talk about books I’ve read and loved..If it’s one of those infamous authors behaving badly and their particular hijinks have left a bad taste in my mouth, sorry, I don’t buy their books so I can’t really recommend them to others, now can I?
And I’m not the only reader who makes buying decisions like this. Anybody who’s witnessed some of the author kerfuffles will know that many a reader is left feeling insulted and not too many people want to financially help out people who’ve insulted us.
On the fairness issue…well, it’s our (speaking as a reader) buying dollars, we have the right to spend them where we see fit. Unfortunately, though, I’ve seen many a thing that happens behind the scenes that also decide how I spend my buying dollars. You act like a total hateful bitch to me, or just in general, you’re off my list.
That doesn’t mean I want you to be sweetness and light in all of your dealings. Far from it. Be honest…but you can be honest without being spiteful. And spiteful will turn me off any day.
It does boil down to courtesy. Professional courtesy shouldn’t just be used as lip service or my reasoning for giving a fellow author an early look at a book. Professional courtesy should dictate how you do things. How you respond to negative reviews. How you respond to public criticism. How you respond to blog wars and flame fests. What personal info you share online.
This can get so in depth, I’m going to break this down into several posts, but I plan on talking about what should and shouldn’t be said online, how to address ‘bad’ reviews, and how to deal with flame fests and blogs wars.
Wrapping it, today’s post simply boils down to this… if you’re getting ready to do something online, think about the tables being turned. Whatever you’re getting ready to do, is it something you’d want turned back on you? Because believe me…sooner or later, it will come back to you. Good actions will likely get you back good actions. Bad-you get bad. And usually worse. I’m not much into karma but what goes around does come back around. If you don’t want shit dumped on you, don’t dump it others.