So during a twitter discussion last night, inspired by discussions taking place in blogland-I’m mostly watching the talk at karen’s, it was suggested to me that I have a responsibility as a writer.

Yeah.  Sure.  I have a responsibility as a writer to tell the best story I can.  To meet my contracts.  To get my edits done. To fulfill any commitments I’ve made…contests, etc.  We could take it a little deeper and I do have a responsibility, IMO, to not use my books in a way that could foster something dangerous-the best example I can think-I’m a nurse, I do have years of taekwondo experience and I won’t put something in my books that could be harmful-I know how to do some jointlocks-SOME-and I won’t hurt the person unless I want to, but that doesn’t mean I’m going to walk through the details in a book.  IMO, that could be irresponsible.  So I don’t.

But there is a suggestion that writers should do more.  Namely in regards to things like violence against women…okay, so FYI, I’m not going into the details of this discussion-it was all on twitter and if somebody wants all the details, my account isn’t locked.

The comment made was that books with forced seduction or fantasy rape perpetuate violence against women.

Pardon me-I’m going to take off the diplomacy hat I generally try to wear, and I’m going on a mini rant here.

Bullshit.

Here is my two cents on the subject.

Violence against women is perpetuated by men with inclinations of violence against women.  Period.

A woman wearing a short skirt is NOT asking for it.  A woman who has a stack of Harlequin Presents by her bedside table isn’t asking for it, or a stack of erotic romances featuring rape fantasy.

I don’t care who reads the books.  Men, women.  Teenagers.  Doesn’t matter.  If those books don’t appeal to you, don’t read them.  Fine.  But implying that books with forced seduction/rape fantasies perpetuate violence?  That is crap.  Period.

And every time somebody says otherwise, here’s my opinion on that…that’s giving weight to the sorry individuals who make the claims, “but she was asking for it.”  You want to stand for the victims, then you can help by putting the blame solely where it belongs-on the shoulders of those who hurt women.

The discussion had a lot of focus on supposed responsibilities as writers.  I’m not shouldering the responsibility of perpetuating violence against women if/when I decide to write a book with forced seduction or a book with a rape fantasy.  Because I have no responsibility in the violence committed against women unless I’m one of the ones who either turn a blind eye when I see (or am aware) of a woman being assaulted, or I’m the one doing the assaulting.

There is this huge problem in society where sexual assault places the blame on the victim, on the circumstances, and I’m tired of it.

The blame lies with the assaulter.  The blame lies with the man who wouldn’t listen to the word NO on that date.  It lies with the bastards who see women (or men) as objects and take something they have no right to take.

So no, I will not shoulder the responsibility that by writing romance I help perpetuate the problems with violence against women.  What I will do is call bullshit on that, because frankly, IMO, that’s exactly what it is.  A man who has it in him to hurt women is going to do it, and a book is NOT going to change the mindset.  Period. And the more people who call bullshit on that, the better, because once the power is taken away from crap like that, once it’s exposed for being nothing but crap, then fewer of the bastards who use that line of thinking will get away with it.  Instead of adding fuel to their fire, you’re taking away from it.

Responsibilities I will shoulder?  As a woman, I’m self aware and I believe strongly in self defense-very strongly.  I think all women can benefit from taking a basic course in women’s self defense, and not just one.  Do it every couple of years.  Will it guarantee that you’ll never become a victim?  No.  But it gives you tools that you might not have had otherwise, and it better equips you to fight off an attack should one ever occur.

As a mother of daughters (and sons, because males aren’t exempt from sexual assault), I will teach my children to be as self aware as I can.  My older two are already in taekwondo and the younger child will be.    It’s not necessarily about getting a black belt and going through concrete bricks-it’s about having self awareness and not walking around looking like a target.  Predators are drawn to those that strike them as prey so I want my kids (all kids, but i can’t control that) to look like NOT PREY.

As the mother of a son, I teach my son to respect women.  I teach my kids respect period.

I think those who would become predators…that starts early.  By teaching children respect, we can cut into this circle.  I don’t mean teach your kids… make that person respect you.  A lot of kids I see, (and I do see a lot…pediatric nurse, volunteer at school), they have this skewed idea that they have to make people respect them.  You don’t make people respect you-you earn respect by showing respect.

If a child is raised to respect others, and to understand that, and if he takes that lesson to heart, and becomes a decent, respectful person, is it likely that he’s going to slip some drugs into his date’s drink?  No.  Is it likely he’s going to force the issue when she tells him no?  No.  Is it likely that he’ll become one of those thugs who troll the streets looking for a victim?  No.

Will this stop everything?  No…but it could be a start.

Another way women in general could help-stop doing anything that shifts the blame away from the guilty party. Stop doing everything that shifts blame away from the guilty party.

A women getting drunk at a frat party is not asking for it.  Is she being as self-aware as she should?  No. But she isn’t asking for it.

A woman wearing a sexy outfit walking down the street at night isn’t asking for it.  Is she being as self-aware as she should be?  That could be debated, and has been, but women shouldn’t have to live in fear of being assaulted, raped, etc and if we modify our dress simply so we aren’t viewed as dressing slutty, we’re letting fear control us.

And seriously? Think about it.  In some cultures, showing hair, or bare arms, or leg can be a sign of you being a loose woman-so those out there throwing out the comments that you should dress more virtously…are you leaving the house wrapped like a mummy?  If not, are you being as cautious as you should be, based on your viewpoints?  Because we now live in a melting pot society and if you show any bare skin, any hair at all, to some cultures, that’s a sign of loose morals… so are you asking for it?  Hell, no.

If you enjoy reading books with forced seduction/rape fantasies, does that mean you’re perpetuating violence against women?  HELL, NO.

Violence against women is perpetuated by those who commit the violent act.

Society as a whole doesn’t help when we have those who shift the blame ANYWHERE away from where it belongs.  It belongs on the shoulders of those who commit the acts.  Put it there.  THAT is where it belongs.

Society has the terrible problem of shifting the blame onto the victim.  It’s time that we stop letting that happen and that starts with each and every single one of us.