A rant… or perhaps an essay.  Or perhaps a PSA for authors.

I suppose in a perfect world, we’d like our pen name to convey exactly what we write.  Yes?

Like… P.I. McThompson… sounds like maybe a mystery type thing.  Might sound clever to the writer.  But I bet the editor or agent who looks at the email has seen a hundred variations.  So your first strike?  You don’t sound original.

Same with romance and erotica and erotic romance.  I’m going to get a little overboard here, but sometimes overboard is what conveys the message best.  Hypothetically speaking…

We have a newby erotic romance writer.  She’s picked what she thinks is a divine pen name.  Sultry McSteamy.

FYI, I picked that name out of the air, and I haven’t googled it for the sake of my sanity.  If there is one, I don’t want to know-just picture me at my desk, banging my head and mumbling, over and over… why…why…why…

If there is a Sultry McSteamy?  I’m trying to decide if I should apologize or just feel sorry for her.  Anyway.

So Sultry picked this name because she thinks it conveys a message.  She thinks it conveys what she writes.

Well, she’s sort of right.  And very wrong.

It does convey a message.  It conveys the message that Sultry doesn’t really understand the business that she’s getting into… namely that it is a business.

So Sultry has her shiny pen name that oddly enough looks more like it belongs on a p*rn star’s movie than a book and she sends her book off to the editor.  Are you aware of the first thing the editor is going to see?

It’s her pen name.  And her email.  And they make an impression.  That name that Sultry thought conveyed sexy and sultry romance is the first thing they see, and just because Sultry thinks it’s sexy and sultry…doesn’t mean the editor will.  Sultry wants the impression to be a good one.  That means–professional pen name.  And while we are at it-Sultry might also want to drop any cutesy email addies like Snookiewoogums@gmail.com.

Don’t give them any reason to breeze past your submission, Sultry!.  If you’ve gone the p*rn star name route over a professional name route?  You might have just given them their first reason.  You might think that sounds petty.  But it’s not.  By not picking a good, serious name, it’s saying something and trust me, that sexy name you thought you picked out?  It’s not screaming things like… I’m passionate about romance!  Or… My books are sexy!

That may have been the intention, but very often that’s not the message others get.  Editors see that sort of thing all the time, and you’re really not standing out, so again, there’s another fail. Does this mean you won’t get published?  Of course not.  I’ve seen variations on Sultry in various places… namely epubs/digital pubs/self pubs.

By all means, go for pretty if that’s your desire, go for elegant if you want.  But if you’re shooting for sensuous, be aware, it’s very, very easy to fall off the mark.  And when you do, you might end up leaving people rolling their eyes, or snickering…and I’m sorry, unless you’ve got some killer artwork, I’m bypassing a book that’s got a name like Sultry McSteamy on the cover.

So the killer artwork had better be right on the mark, and the blurb had better be top notch, and that’s not even touching the story itself.  If everything isn’t right on cue?  You’ve lost me, all because of a lousy choice on names.  (And again…why should my opinion matter?  Because I’m not the only reader who makes her buying choices like this…)

Also!  Review up for BEG ME @ Read, React, Review