• Practice it.

N. O.

NOOOOO….

Deep breath.

Try it again.

No.

Sometime, we should even shout it.

Or…just whisper it.  No.

A polite email. A firm shake of the head.

A cute owl.

I mean, it’s a simple basic word, right?

Why in the hell do women have such a hard time saying it when we get asked for help? Extra assistance at the graduation party…a helping hand at this get-together.  In the case of writers, blurbing this book, donating a critique, doing workshops.

For our kids stuff, I mean, we want to help out and I try, but it’s easier on me to make material donations. I’ll go on field trips when I can.  But helping out with parties, helping with being all crafty…my creativity comes out in stories and I don’t think they want me teaching their kids about the birds and the bees, or talking about how I’ve had my heroines kill a bad guy with a corkscrew.

When it comes to the writing world, I want to help where I can.  I suck at critiques. I’d make a lousy editor.  I’m too blunt for some people’s preferences.  Not good for critique stuff.

Blurbs…well, sometimes, but I can be a hot mess about the books I like. Don’t come near me if it’s anything medical or nursing related.  I’ll running screaming our the door.  I want to say yes, because I’m predisposed to wanting to help, but at the same time, I want to cringe and cry and say…NO.

Workshops can be great if I’m close enough and can afford the travel, and the time, but those are one of the options I don’t have as much opportunity to help with as much.

It’s good politics to help out fellow writers, and I’ve gotten help from fellow writers, so I want to pass it forward. But sometimes…well, there’s just so much coming at you.

There’s some urgent family sort of stuff going on. I’ve got two kids graduating (5th and 12th grade) within 5 days of each other, I’ve got somebody I don’t really know asking me to host a make-up party, trying to organize a graduation party and write…

Ever get the feeling you want to pop?

I finally did.

I started saying NO… to everybody who asked for something unless I knew it was essential to me or my family.

I can’t say it felt good, but that pressure gauge in my head felt better.